Kia Glitz


	A blonde walked into a hairdresser's with a pair of headphones on and asked the hairdresser for a haircut - but "don't touch the headphones o.k.?" "Fine" said the hairdresser - a little taken aback - but happy for the work. Three weeks later, the same blonde returned and asked for another haircut but with the same condition, "Whatever you do ... don't touch the headphones" "No problem" said the hairdresser who went on to give her another good cut, considering the restraint. Three weeks later, the same thing happened. Well, just as the hairdresser was finished, she couldn't resist and she just lifted one side of the headphones up. The blonde promptly fell stone dead on the floor of the shop. "Oh my God - I think I've killed her" screamed the hairdresser. She picked up the headphones and put them on herself. She heard the strangest thing... "breathe in...breathe out... breathe in...breathe out." Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill blonde appeared in a Rochester hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot. The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?" The lady replied,"My phone doesn't have an eleven!" A blonde, a brunette, a redhead, a vicar, a priest, a rabbi, two giraffes and a duck, a farmer, a lawyer, an accountant, an IRS agent, a Mexican, an Indian, a Chinese, an Irishman, an Englishman, a Scotsman and a redneck walk into a bar. The barman says: "Hang on a minute. What is this, some kind of joke? How do you know if a blond has been using a computer? There is a condom on the joystick and two dollars in the disk drive. How can one tell when a blonde is a good cook? When the blonde serves the poptart in one piece. How can you tell if the blonde biker is an aristocrat? No spelling errors on her tattoo's. Hear about the blonde who tried playing water polo? She drowned her horse. How many blondes does it take to make popcorn? One to hold the pot and the other 2 to shake the stove. This blond decided to dye her hair brown, then to celebrate her new image, she took a motor trip across country. Way out in the sticks she came across a farmer leaning against a fence post, watching his large flock of sheep. "I need a pet," she decided, stopping the car. She walked over to the farmer and asked, "If I can guess how many sheep you have in your flock will you give me one? I'd like a pet." The farmer agreed. The gal looked over the flock for a few seconds, then declared, "You have 253 sheep here." "That absolutely correct," the amazed farmer stated. "I'll keep my end of the bargain. You pick one of the sheep for your pet." She did and as she was getting back into her car, the farmer approached her. "I've got a proposition for you, Miss. If I can guess the true color of your hair, will you give me back my dog?" How does a blonde turn on the lights after sex? She opens the car door! How do blonde braincells die? Alone. What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells? Pregnant. How do you brainwash a blonde? Give her a douche and shake her upside down. What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence. Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? Because they can't even keep two calves together! What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? Nothing. They've never met. Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down? A brunette with bad breath! Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane? 1: She'd just dyed her hair. 2: She just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much. Why do blondes wear their hair up? To catch everything that goes over their heads. Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? You can park in the handicap zone. What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement? An IN-body experience! Why is a blonde like a turtle? They both get screwed when they're on their back. What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? Humpme Dumpme. How do you make a blonde's eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear. Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them. The Doctor told the Blonde she was going to have twins... She laughed and smiled. No way! she says. The doctor being careful in choosing his words says, "Miss, The Ultrasound doesn't lie." Whatever! she says. As she leaves the office she smiles to herself. She knew she only did it once. During sex, what does a blond use for protection A bus shelter ! Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? There's white-out on the screen. Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? There's writing on the white-out.