Kia Glitz


	Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer? A: She didn't like it 'cos she couldn't get channel 9... Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles? A: Because they can't get their head in the jar. Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas? A: They can't find the zipper. Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings? A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles. Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles. Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick? A: Because red means stop. Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator? A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers. Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators? A: They chip their teeth. She was so blonde that... She thought a quarterback was a refund. She tried to put M& M's in alphabetical order. She thought Boyz II Men was a daycare center. She thought Meow Mix was a record for cats. She tripped over a cordless phone. She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. She told me to meet her at the corner of "Walk" and "Don't Walk". She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. At the bottom of application where it says "sign here", she put "Capricorn". She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. She studied for a blood test - and failed. She sold the car for gas money. Under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics". When she saw the "NC-17" (under 17 not admitted), she went home & got 16 friends. When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. She thinks Taco Bell is a phone company. When she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. A blonde decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video. She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. She drives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape in the VCR. To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain. Blonde: "I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape, but static." Store Clerk: "Sorry about, that. We've had problems with some of those tapes. Which title did you rent?" Blonde: "It's called 'Head Cleaner'." On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested she move to economy since she didn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak to her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving. The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what he should do. The captain said, "I' m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked the captain what he said to her. The captain replied: "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York." Two young blonde women are sitting at a bar in such an obviously celebratory mood that the bartender drifts over intending to offer them a drink on the house. When he gets close he hears one say to the other "Here's to 17 days!" Smiling, the bartender says, "Congratulations! What's so special about 17 days?" Eyes twinkling, one of the women explains, "Well, we've been spending our evenings working on a jigsaw puzzle! And it said 3-5 years on the box, but we finished it in only 17 days!" Two blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are." The cashier leaned over the counter and said "Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg". In Las Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the soda cans. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?" Sally, a blonde, goes on her first camping trip. Her husband, who was a Scout Leader, was sick so she volunteered to take over for him one weekend. She got everyone together and assigned different duties to each scout. Gabby was responsible for the food supplies, Mike would be the cook this trip, Johnnie was responsible for their maps and making up a time schedule, Tim was to decide on their events, and to fit them into Johnnie's schedule and Sally would test all their equipment before setting out. They arrived at Big Moose Mountain and everyone was excited. They arrived right on schedule and were getting ready for their first event - hiking up the mountain. But first, they wanted to get something to eat. So Sally asked Mike if he would prepare the meal and, of course, Mike said he would. About 10 minutes later he came back and told Sally, "I can't make the supper. I can't light a fire with the matches you brought." Sally replied, "I can't understand that. Those matches should be perfectly fine. I tested them all just before we left." A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "Alright. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "Uh... I'd better go check." After awhile, the blonde returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house. One day, a man comes home from work and finds his blonde wife leaning over the kitchen sink and crying. He said, 'Honey, what's wrong?' She said between sniffles, 'I... I dropped the ice cubes on the floor, and then I rinsed them off in hot water, and now I can't find them.' One morning this blonde calls her friend and says "Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to start it." Her friend asks "What is it a puzzle of?" The blonde says "From the picture on the box, it's a tiger." The blonde's friend figures that he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She lets him in the door and shows him to where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then studies the box. He then turns to her and says: "First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger." "Second, I'd advise you to relax, have a cup of coffee, and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box." A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time, haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied. To prepare for his big date with a blonde hottie, the young man went up to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade." This young man was determined not to miss this date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a homecooked dinner, after which they went into the livingroom to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man's sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured himself a tall, cool, glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced an immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his penis immersed in the glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you guys load those things!"