Kia Glitz


	Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes? A: They always forget the recipe. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see "20,000 Leagues under the sea? A: She said that she loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so many teams. Q: Why don't blondes make good pharmacists? A: They can't get the bottle into the typewriter. Q: Why did the blonde have blisters on her lips? A: From trying to blow out lightbulbs. A man is standing in the street saying 19,19,19,19. Then this blonde comes and asks him what he is doing he doesn't answer he just keeps saying 19,19,19,19. So the blonde says well I guess I'll join you. So now there both saying 19,19,19,19. Then this huge semi comes by and just runs over the blonde. Then the man starts saying 20,20,20,20. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Sit her down at a Macintosh computer & tell her to right click on something. A Blonde girl goes to work one day crying because she found out her mom had just died. Her boss asks her 'What's wrong? Why are you crying?'. She replies 'I just found out that my mom passed away'. The Boss decides to let her have the day off but she insists on working so that she can keep her mind off her mom. A few hours later her boss decides to check on her and he goes in to her office and see's her crying histerically. He asks again 'Why are you crying?' she says 'My sister called saying that her mom died too'. Q. How did the blonde almost die? A. She was riding a horse & she started to hit her head on the ground so the K-MART manager shut off the merry-go-round. A blonde goes to a company party and wins a thermos for the doorprize. she asks her co-worker, "What's a thermos?" He says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." "Oh!" The next day at work, she brings it with her. Her boss, who is also a blond, says "What's that?" The blonde says "It's a thermos." Her boss asks her, "What's that?" She says "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." Her boss asks her, "What do you have in it?" The blonde says, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle." A blonde was walking on the opposite of the river from a brunette. The brunette yells across to the blonde, "Hey, how do I get to the other side?" The blonde hesitates, looks back and replies, "You ARE on the other side!" Q: Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead? A: She was trying to make up her mind! Q: What did the blonde do when she broke her tuperware? A: Called the plastic surgeon. A cop saw a blonde down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied the blonde, "I dropped my diamond ring and I'm looking for it." Asked the cop "did you drop it right here?" "No," she responded, "I dropped it about a block away, but the light's better here." Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, a blonde, new to boating was having a problem. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't get her brand new 22-ft Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every manoeuvre, no matter how much power she applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, she putted over to a nearby marina. Maybe they could tell her what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything was in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, and the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath the boat. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer. Two blondes were walking down the road and the first blonde said "Look at that dog with one eye! The other blonde covers one of her eyes and goes, "Where?" Two blondes are waiting on a bus stop, when a bus pulls up and opens the door. One of the blondes leans inside and asks the driver: "Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?" The bus driver shakes his head and says, "No, I'm Sorry." At this the other blonde leans inside, smiles & twitters, "Will it take ME?" After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said: "What can I get you, gorgeous?" The woman blushed & replied: "If you're sure you don't mind, I'll have a large stiff one, please." The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman's ear: "Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?" A blonde went to a flight school insisting she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way. After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. "I'm doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I'm starting to get the hang of this." After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn't radioed in. A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage. When he asked what happened, she said, "I don't know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!" A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down & storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife & rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there's his naked brother, cowering on the closet floor. "You rotten bastard" says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack & you're running around naked scaring the kids!" This guy and a blonde are making out feverishly in the front seat of his car. After an hour or so, he whispers in her ear, "Do you want to move to the back seat?" She replies, "NO!" Flabbergasted, he says, "Why Not?" To which she replies, "Well, I want to stay up here with you. I'd be lonely back there!" This blonde wakes up in the middle of the night to find her house on fire. Panicked, she dials 9-1-1 and screams "My house is on fire, you've got to come put it out". "Okay, ma'am, could you tell us how to get there?" and she says "Duuuh, in the big red truck!" Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: They make good ankle warmers. Q: What do blondes do for foreplay? A: Remove their underwear. Q: What's the mating call of the blonde? A: "I'm sooo drunk!" Q: What is the mating call of the ugly blonde? A: (Screaming) "I said: I'm drunk!" Q: What's the mating call of the redhead? A: "Next!" Q: Why do blondes like tilt steering? A: More head room. Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs? A: More leg room. Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!" Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blond's ear? A: Data transfer. Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: Because they don't know any better. A blonde and her brunette friend were talking. "I hate all the blonde jokes people say." "Oh, they are only jokes. There are alot of stupid people out there. Here I'll prove it to you." So they went outside and hailed a taxi driver. "Please take me to 29 Nickle Street to see if I'm home." said the brunette. The taxi drove them and when they finally got out the brunette looked at the blonde and said. "See that guy was really stupid." "No kidding." replies the blonde, "there was a pay phone just around the corner, you could have called instead." Two blondes were sitting in a movie theater and the first blonde says to the second, "The guy sitting next to me is masturbating!" The second blonde says, "Just ignore him." "But I can't because he's using my hand."